Problems
by ZIPmonkey
Summary: we all have problems, just some have more than most.


**Problems**

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish that I own Fairy Tail, I don't. ****Sigh… **

1

**Natsu has a problem**: for some strange, unexplainable, completely random reason, old ladies are falling in love with him.

**Solution**: Dye his hair black and start wearing make-up. (The rest of the guild didn't understand how on earth this would ever work, and why it would dissuade the old woman, but hey, has anything that Natsu has done made sense to the general public?)

**Outcome**: failure…

**Gray has a problem**: he is on a mission alone, and it happens to be in the tropics, on a 97-degree day. In other words, his ice is melting.

**Solution**: just leave.

**Outcome**: Success!

**Lucy has a problem**: She needs to go on a mission, and for that she needs Natsu, and well, Natsu is currently being chased by a hoard of old women.

**Solution**: wait till the old women throw their hips out.

**Outcome**: Failure, those old women are damn persistent.

**Ezra has a problem**: She can never find enough armor material to make armor that actually covers vital areas. (I mean come on; some of those outfits are more like metal stripper-wear, one well placed spear and she's done for.)

**Solution**: Put on some of that skimpy armor, and go to the metal store, then, by the powers of seduction, see if she can't get a cheaper price on some material.

**Outcome**: failure, the store clerk died of a nosebleed.

**Solution 2**: Beat up a hobo because he made demeaning comments on her outfit.

**Outcome:** success! ^.^

2

**Natsu has a problem**: An old lady drugged him and has kidnapped him to a hotel.

**Solution**: Scream for help.

**Outcome**: well, you'll see.

**Lucy has a problem**: She still needs to find Natsu for that mission.

**Solution**: Find him.

**Outcome**: Success, kind of. She's now officially scared for life.

**Gray has a problem**: Because he left his last mission without completing it, he now has no money to pay rent.

**Solution**: sell Lucy to a brothel.

**Outcome**: Success! He now has 500,000 rubies!

**Ezra has a problem**: she still doesn't have enough money to buy armor material.

**Solution**: steal Gray's money.

**Outcome**: failure, Ezra sucks as a thief.

3

**Lucy has a problem**: After she escaped the brothel, she needed money to pay the rent.

**Solution**: a. Steal the money that Gray made by selling her.

b. Steal the money Gray made by selling her, then torture him slowly.

c. Steal the money Gray made by selling her, then kill Gray.

**Outcome**: She only stole the money.

**Natsu has a problem**: the old lady left him the bill for the hotel and he has no money.

**Solution**: Sell Lucy to a brothel.

**Outcome**: failure, Lucy, quite sick of being sold to brothels, killed Natsu.

**Gray has a problem**: His moneys gone, and Natsu's dead.

**Solution**: Turn to practicing necromancy to bring Natsu back from the dead.

**Outcome**: Kind of a success, he managed to bring Natsu's spirit back, but it's now residing in a potato. A potato that just got sold to Mirajane. Shit.

**Ezra has a problem**: still can't find any descent armor!

**Solution**: go on an angry rampage at Natsu and Gray.

**Outcome**: failure, Natsu's now a Potato.

4

**Natsu has a very, very big problem**: He is now a potato, in Mirajane's kitchen, about to be cut up and put into stew.

**Solution**: Evolve, Evolve, Evolve!!!!

**Outcome**: Success... Somehow.

**Mirajane has a problem**: there is now a talking, fire breathing potato in her kitchen claiming its Natsu.

**Solution**: call Ezra, she'll know what to do with it.

**Outcome**: Success!

**Ezra has a problem**: there's a demon potato in Mirajane's kitchen.

**Solution**: Kill it!

**Outcome**: failure, the potato just grew legs and is running towards Lucy's apartment.

**Gray has a problem**: While trying to steal his money back from Lucy, a fire breathing potato ran into her apartment and turned into a naked Natsu.

**Solution**: Run like hell, there's an angry Ezra and Mirajane on his tail.

**Outcome**: failure, he tripped over one of Lucy's tables.

5

**Lucy has a problem**: A naked Natsu (who she could have sworn she'd killed), a scantily clad Ezra, a demon Mirajane, and a Gray, who she had earlier tried to torture and kill, were ripping up her apartment.

**Solution**: Kill them all.

**Outcome**: failure, her teammates are like cockroaches, they just don't die.

**Gazzel has a problem**: the rest of his guild happens to be noisy idiots.

**Solution:** Ignore the world.

**Outcome**: Success!

El Fin!

**Review's Please!!!**


End file.
